Tear Tsunami

A wave, more like a tsunami, of tears hit me today. In fact I am trying to write my way through them. My therapist, doctor and friends warmed me about these waves of grief. I wish they were done. I don't like these feelings.

I am not sure of the trigger. There are so many things muddled together. I haven't left the house in two days. I haven't had the energy to get out of bed, but the cat eventually forced the situation each day. Tomorrow I have a lunch date that I cannot get out of - I only know her work email as a contact. Getting up and out of the house may help.

I have eaten. I managed to go to the grocery store and purchase ready made comfort food - potatoes, turkey and gravy. Maybe too many carbs? But at least I am eating.

The "30" day period has just come and gone, maybe that is part of it. I found out today that someone slightly related to me, living in another country, may also have MSA. I was asked to please write a Press Release letter for MSA Awareness Month, a skill way beyond my competence. I found an editor who graciously helped me through the process.

The tipping point came when the county sent me another estate recovery letter today. They want proof of Dennis' checking, savings and other financial accounts as of the date that he died. They want money. It was just one too many things.


All of this is simple life, I know that. And I also know that I have to face all of it, and I am responsible for my life. But I don't want to be right now. I want someone to take care of me and fix all of this. And at the same time that is exactly what I do not want.

And I guess all of that adds up to a wave of tears and sadness overwhelming me once in a while.

Ann, not dealing with grief with a smile today