For the past 10 years, a television set has been on from morning until bedtime. Dennis was addicted, even though he never really watched it much. He just wanted the noise, I guess.
Dennis talked a lot, when he was able. He still talked a lot when no one could understand him. He talked all of the time.
The past six months, since I retired from teaching, Raquel, his PCA, was around and we chatted together. Then Dennis and Raquel would chat. Then we would all chat. And of course, the TV was still on in the background.
The phone was ringing constantly. Doctor appointments, travel agents, medical supplies, travel arrangements, hospice,,,,
Always some noise.
Now it's always quiet. Even the cat is a quiet cat. I still turn on the television, but I turn it off if I am not watching something. I talk to the cat quiet often, but "Pretty kitty" does not make for a stimulating conversation.
The phone doesn't ring as much any more. And that's okay, I never have liked phone calls much.
It's just quiet. It's okay, but different.
Hi Ann,
ReplyDeleteThis may not be helpful but you might like public radio. When the last of my 6 kids left home for college.....I thought I would be so relieved. But just the opposite happened....the quiet was deafening......every room went from full of noise to full of nothingness. I put radios one everywhere....tuned to the music they loved but that didn't last too long before I dicovered the wonderful folks on Wisconsin Public talk radio. Minnesto radio is wonderful too. We are in the middle of a very noisy storm coming off Lake Michigan. Hope it doesn't reach you.....everything here has come to a complete standstill.
I stumbled upon your first blog via the MSA yahoo group, I posted a comment there, however I wanted to reach out to you here also. I am so very sorry for your loss. I also lost my mom on January 8th at 9:59 pm she took her last breath. She had aspiration pneumonia, caused by MSA and could not recover. I am struggling through this grieving process, as you. I have good days and bad days, more good than bad. My dad is doing okay. I wish I could put my arms around you and hug you to pieces. What a blessing to be a caregiver, although at times stressful, you did right by your husband. My dad did the same for mom. The only comfort I seem to find is knowing that she is not in pain any longer. Words do not seem to help me, I know very well that people mean well, anyone who has grieved know what I am speaking about. January has been a tough month, this weather is not helping. On the Facebook page for MSA I have read a lot about loss this month. I am taking advantage of Hosparus group for "Being mindful through grieving," I hope it helps. God bless you through this difficult time, I love your blog, its helping me. So thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings, thinking of starting my own, lots to write about.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Valarie. I haven't listened to public radio in a while. I will give it a try.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't aware of the Hosparus group, I will check that out.
There is something about writing that helps me round up my feelings - a clumsy way to say it lets me reflect and consider.