Okay, a disclaimer first.
Some of you will think I am nuts (I'm not) and some of you will just say it's her imagination. Or perhaps, it's what she wants to be true. And some of you will relate.
Either way, this is my story.
The first few nights after Dennis died, I was so exhausted that I slept 12 hours easily. Some nights I would take the Klonopin that had been prescribed for me, other nights I tried to sleep naturally. This past week or so (tomorrow it will be 3 weeks) I have been waking up in the middle of the night, more or less wide awake. Since I am sorta retired, this isn't a huge problem, but I would like to get back to a normal schedule.
Two nights ago, I woke again at 3 AM. I played some games on my IPad to get myself out of my head. Soon, I was relaxed again, and closed my eyes to sleep.
When I closed my eyes, I saw an all white background under my lids. At first I attributed this to playing with a backlit toy, but it was different. It was soft like cotton balls or a ball of really fine cashmere. I just let it happen and in a few seconds an iris appeared in the middle of this white. It was obviously the pupil of an eye, and it was only a pupil. And it was looking at me directly into my own iris.
It wasn't there long. But it was Dennis' eye. I would know his eyes anywhere, any day, any time.
The next morning I woke up with a smile on my face.
Wow! That is so awesome, Ann. I'm sure that our loved ones can communicate with us if we're open to it.
ReplyDeleteMy husband of 25 years passed away from MSA in May 2009 at age 59. I wasn't his full-time caregiver, as I was working part time so I could have health insurance. He had a lot of sleep disturbances (severe apnea & REM behavior disorder) and would wake me several times a night. He'd call out my name when he needed help turning over in bed or fixing his CPAP machine or getting up for toileting. For months after he died I would clearly hear him calling my name in my sleep. Now I don't remember what his voice sounded like. Still feel him so strongly as a presence around me.
ReplyDeleteI had a similar experience years ago but only once. To this day I don't know if I dreamed it or it happened. I got up to go to the bathroom and I saw my Dad walking down the hallway as if going back to the room he and my Mum always stayed in when they came to visit. He was wearing his pyjamas and robe. I only saw his back but it was such a comfort to me to see him and I am almost sure it was real because it was so lifelike and usually my dreams are not realistic.
ReplyDeleteI have started a blog too. It is
livingwithsomeonewithchronicillnes.blogspot.com
You have inspired me so much and when you are ready I would appreciate your comments especially if you encountered the same frustrations.
I would be interested to hear from your previous commenter too because my husband experiences the severe sleep disturbances and apnea too.
I hope to find out more from people who have experienced neurological disorders because at the moment the doctors are not being much help.
woopsie, missed a letter off my blog name.
ReplyDeleteIt should be:-
http://livingwithsomeonewithchronicillness.blogspot.com/
Thanks for the link, HZW.
ReplyDeleteFunny, I read these comments after the post on "quiet". Yes, sleep disturbances - waking up to "AAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN", talking in his sleep, wild dreams.....
I don't miss that, I will admit. Look at some of my posts on my old blog. I think you can do a search for a word - I am not sure. There is a link on the right side to the old blog.